


Who dotes, yet doubts

by Lilliburlero



Category: Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (TV), The Comfortable Courtesan - Madame C- C-
Genre: Alternate Universe, Class Differences, Consent Issues, Crossover, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 18:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5596093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilliburlero/pseuds/Lilliburlero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr MacD-'s besetting sin is <i>jealousy</i>.</p><p>*</p><p>Content note: sexual consent issues involving magic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who dotes, yet doubts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fengirl88](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fengirl88/gifts).



> Authentic extracts from the AMacD- commonplace books may be found [here](https://the-comfortable-courtesan.dreamwidth.org/51642.html) and [here](https://the-comfortable-courtesan.dreamwidth.org/2015/12/25/). The passage presented below is almost certainly spurious, placing AMacD in the ambit of the semi-legendary Jonathan Strange, but may nonetheless be of interest to scholars of the Madame C- C- circle.

> O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;  
>  It is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock  
>  The meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss,  
>  Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger:  
>  But O, what damnèd minutes tells he o'er  
>  Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!  
> 

Could Clorinda look over my shoulder, and were she able to read this cipher―contingencies which croud my _Night-mares_ , even where the reader is as well-dispos’d as she―she would doubtless twit me for quoting the words of that damnable villain as wisdom. But the villainy subsists in the sentiment being true, and like the Moor, I am more arous’d than comforted by its articulation. ( _Quaere_ : does the Scot’s _jalouse_ , for southern _suspect_ , argue for its being a sin more frequent in us North Britons than in other men?) And I have still less ground for suspicion, for though his charm is general (steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth), Mr J- S- is not, I think, of _the brotherhood_ ; tho’ some who are so marry, conveniently or deceitfully, sure none are as _uxorious_ as he appears to be. Why, then, do I allow this irrational passion to consume me? Simply this: had I that boldness which accompanies gentlemanly estate (even one so much depleted by youthful indiscretion as my enquiries have shown the S- lands in S―shire to be) I should earlier have shaken off the fetters of _superstition_ appertaining to my upbringing in the Kirk, and brought my poor arts to a pitch of development wherein I should not be ashamed to disclose them to HL. And so those admiring glances and absorbed queries  &c., that supply to HL’s well-favoured countenance a radiance surpassing even that induced by our profoundest _extremities of felicity_ , would have been directed at me, not at the likeable and humorous Mr S-, for sure he is agreeable company, ~~the Deil’s malaison on the girt damn’d knapdarloch o’ a craitur~~. Much dismayed to discover myself capable of such baseness. 

And yet I have not done. O, what _have_ I done? I resume this record before dawn, having slipt from G-’s bed before the servants’ rising-hour. Let it be put plain: last night the green-ey’d monster took entire possession of me, and I was betrayed into a misuse unforgivable of my small and _Bucolick_ arts. HL din’d out, and in his absence the phrenzy raged uncheck’d; had we but been able to converse over a _digestive_ brandy―but no, that comes perilous close to apportioning to him a parcel of the fault, which is all mine. Appriz’d of his return, I cast upon myself a _gramarye_ which, us’d upon inanimate objects, has _severall_ household applications in the starching of linens, coagulation of gravies and sauces  &c., but upon the masculine human frame only one, and it very salient. I went to G- most importunate tho’ it was not one of our appoint’d nights, and he gladly offered relief p.o. [ _per os_?―Ed]. The sight of him assuming the necessary attitude roused me, as ever, to an excitement almost insupportable. But the _gramarye_ , while it admits _felicity_ , does not permit of _discharge_ ; despite the exquisite delicacy of his ministrations I remained standing-to, until he said, his sweet face all over perturbation, I fear I cannot content you thus, my dear, would you like to―and here he employed a term used by the highest and the lowest alike, but which those of my middling sort blush to indite even in private cipher. The democracy of the bedchamber had not hitherto encompassed this particular compromize of HL’s dignity, tho’ I had urgently wisht it, I could scarce find it in myself to ask him to yield himself up to one so much his social inferior, and even now, as he proposed it, assent stuck in my _craw_. I stammered something to this effect, to which he replied with an obscene but complimentary assessment of my person. 

So it was G- played _Pathique_ to me. Felicity inexpressible but not as _mutual_ as it is wont to be with us. At length the _gramarye_ wore thin, then tore altogether, and I withdrew (I confess) for the satisfaction of seeing myself spend upon the belly of a Peer of England. At the moment of release it rush’d in upon me what an abuse I had committed in thus using Magic―if such rude craft as I have may be dignified with the word―to prolong my pleasure and without his agreement. Also, the glaikit features of the accurst S-, whose English _art_ is _Athens_ to my _Boeotia_. I had sought to humiliate  & punish G- for an offence of which he was not only innocent but ignorant, and the means I chose risqued the _pollution_ of the fount of our joy and mutual consolation. Dearest _Sandy_ , he says, wiping his belly with the bedsheet preparatory to taking me in his arms, I am as accustomed to taking that part as to the other, and like it as well, but I am assuredly not accustomed to be regarded as John Knox lookt upon his _congregations_ for’t. There followed a very foolish quarrel, which ended in no real resolution when G- stop’t my mouth first with kisses, then with his rt. hon. He slumber’d then, but I could not, being in such wretched low spirits I could have wept. It is often thus with me, being neither a woman nor a cockeril ( _Quaere_ : Improper to ask Clorinda if this _old saw_ attrib. to Galen be true upon the first head?) but the exercize of the _art_ surely worsened it. I extricated myself without awakening HL, and return’d to my own apartment. Such was my distraction that I was subject to an _Hallucination_ , as of a man drest in the fashions current in our fathers’ days, not omitting the powder’d _Wig_ , sitting tailor-wise atop my bureau. I blinkt, and he evanish’t.


End file.
